WARNING: THIS RANT IS COMPLETELY SARCASTIC (MOST OF THE TIME)

Okay, i need to blow off some steam, and I do that by ranting. Now when I asked myself, “Wesley, just what will you pull out of your little basket of hate and rant about today?” I decided to rant about one group of people that deserve a special place in the basket of hate. CHILDREN (or as I like to call them, crotch droppings). Now I bet 99.9% of the people that are reading this just said, “What is wrong with him?! Babies are adorable!” Excuse me, why don’t you say that again in the face of adorable little Bobby. Oh, wait, BLAM! Adorable little Bobby just puked all over your face. Adorable now? This is one of the characteristics of a child in the infant stage, which is what I will start with.

WARNING: THESE “STAGES” DO NOT APPLY TO EVERY CHILD, THERE IS THE RARE CHILD THAT DOESN’T BOTHER ANYONE

1. Infant Stage

The infant stage marks the beginning of the child’s life. This mostly consists of crying, throwing up, crapping diapers, and knocking things over. This is where the parent is suddenly overcome with the illusion that this being is “cute” and feel a need to coddle it every time it cries. After that comes the toddler stage.

2. Toddler Stage

Pretty much the same as the infant stage, minus the crapping diapers and throwing up parts. The child slowly becomes more and more selfish, ugly, and stupid. Become increasingly irritating now that they can somewhat control their brain and gain the ability to ask idiotic questions and bother people with annoying and totally irrelevant statements.

3. Prepubescent Stage

Gain more control of their brains, but still stupid and selfish as ever. This is when most children begin to think they’re on top of the world now that they’re in elementary school. Ha! Just wait until middle school, you little brats. Around when the time when they grow out of Dora and Elmo and start watching more sophisticated television programming such as Spongebob. Ha! Sophisticated! Just thinking about that annoying show being sophisticated is worthy of one of my trademark “LOLs”

LAUGH OUT FREAKING LOUD.

Oh, if only I could make the font bigger. Now back to the topic. As I was saying, this is when the child starts watching programming that is even less tolerable than before. Same thing with music (well, it’s mostly girls with music) such as the all-powerful Justin Bieber (I’ll probably get to him in my next rant.) One more decision that children start making at this stage is society placement. For boys, it’s intolerable athletic jerks (I might get to them in one of my rants sometime) and girls it’s clique-joining little @#%&$ (Yeah, that was supposed to be a curse). After that comes the adolescent stage.

4. Adolescent Stage

Absolutely nothing wrong with them (wink wink).

5.  Young Adult Stage

This is when the child refuses to go to college and feeds off of their parents until they have a crotch dropping of their own. And the cycle begins again!

As you can see, the stages of a child are too much to deal with. But it’s not the children. IT’S THE PARENTS, TOO. What is wrong with parents of young children:

-Inconsiderate of other people by rolling over people’s feet with a stroller and bringing their screaming little monsters with them to movies, hotels, and restaurants

-Feel the need to show their product of the crotch to everyone and stuff them in their faces

-OVERCAUTIOUS DRIVING

Okay, I’m exhausted writing this, so I’m gonna get even more fat by eating now. Thanks for reading, unless you’re a young child. In that case, I hate your guts.